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Chapter 1: Mysterious Events in Mickeyville
As I sit here at my desk, I'm trying to force my pen to touch the paper. Not an easy task, believe me. For what I have to tell you now is one of the most horrible things ever to happen on our pretty blue planet. It was the turning point in the history of mankind. Every trace of doubt disappeared and we had to face the truth. And the truth was disturbing: Supernatural things DO exist. And they tend to happen not only in Amazonian rainforests or creepy haunted castles in England. No, they often creep out of their resting places and stalk our very homes. (OK, I will cut this crappy intro now because it's crappy.) It all began one sunny day in Mickeyville. It was mid-July and the sky was as clear as a public WC on a bus station in Bosnia. No, cross that, it was even clearer. Because, you know, bus stations in Bosnia are dirtiest places on Earth. And you have to have some sort of mental disorder to willingly use facilities there. Anyway, the sky over Mickeyville was clear. Except for a few clouds. A few stratonimbouses that covered the whole sky. And it was a perfect day for a barbecue. Mickey, Minnie and Goofy were in Mickey's front yard. Black smoke was rising from the barbecue. "Dang, another black one!" Mickey said. "How many have succeeded?" Minnie asked. "Ummmm, none, I think." "Great. I think I should order a pizza." "What???" Mickey yelled. "I invited you over for barbecue and barbecue it will be, you understand me???" "OK, OK, sorry about that..." The atmosphere was not pretty. Mickey was pissed off about failed barbeque, he was pissed off with Goofy reading some crappy magazine instead of helping him, he was pissed off with Minnie for her constant whining, all in all, he was VERY pissed off. And things were not about to improve. For Donald Duck has just appeared at the front gate. "Great" Mickey grunted. "I just needed him." "Be nice to him, he's your friend!" said Minnie. "I'll try, but I don't guarantee anything. He pissed me off really big time." "Oh, it's so HARD to piss you off." "Shut up." "OK." Donald walked through the front gate and greeted everyone with a smile on his face. "Hi everyone! How are you today?" "Hello Donald! We're fine. Please, join us for the barbecue!" Minnie said. She offered him a chair, and he sat. "And how are you, my friend?" he asked Mickey. "I was pretty much pissed off even before you came, so nothing's changed much!" "Mickey!!!" cried Minnie. "Be nice to Donald, do you hear me!!" Donald was confused. "Why is he angry with me?" "Bah, I don't know! He's acting very strange these days." Mickey stood up, totally annoyed. "Want me to tell you why I'm angry?? You really want that? Fine! I'll tell you! Just listen, you son of a..." Then Donald stood up, too. Smile finally left his face. "I came here for a nice friendly chat but if you're gonna yell at me, I will leave right now!" Having said that, he took a fork from the table and stabbed it in Minnie's eye. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed in pain and terror while blood poured from her eyehole. She took the fork out and threw it away. Accidentaly, it hit Goofy right on the back of his head. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!" screamed Goofy in pain and terror. He tried to take the fork out of his head, but it stuck too deep. "Aaaaaaaaargh, I'm dying, I'm DYING!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed while he ran around the courtyard aimlessly, as if trying to get away from the pain. Then, when he realised there's no way in hell that he can pull that fork out, he stopped, shrugged his shoulders and said: "Well, there's no way in hell I can pull that fork out, so what the hell?" He approached the table, whistling Vivaldi's Concerto for mandolines in C-major, Allegro Molto. "Goofy, I'm so sorry I hit you, really it was not on purpose, I swear!" begged Minnie for forgiveness. "Oh, it's nothing, please don't think about it!" Goofy said and the very next moment he took a large knife that was used for cutting bread and drove it through Minnie's stomach. "Aargh!" Minnie said in disbelief. "Why you bloody pervert, you didn't just stab me with a FUCKING KITCHEN KNIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Aye, I did!" "Then eat THIS!!!!!!" Having said that, she jumped towards him, grabbed his head with her hands and took a large bite at his neck. When she lifted her head, a large piece of meat was hanging in her mouth and the expression on her face was terrifying, even more terrifying than those two girls in The Shining or Mrs. Blaylock in The Omen, if that's possible. Blood was flowing in streams from remains of Goofy's neck and he ended his life without saying a word. So, let it be underlined that his last words were: "Aye, I did!" Then Donald Duck decided he had had enough of this crap and he took an electric toothbrush from the grass. He stabbed it into Minnie's other eye and turned it on. It started to rotate in all positive and negative angles and speeds, making a huge mess of the place where Minnie's eye once was. Needless to say, blood was flowing everywhere. It was like a scene from Braindead, only this was much more horrifying because it involved Disney's characters. So, Minnie was soon dead. Then, Donald turned to Mickey, hellish smile on his face, wanting some more blood. Mickey was standing there unable to move, totally blown out with all this gratuituos (hope I spelled that right) violence. Donald took a knife in one hand, chainsaw in the other one, cannon in another one and he drove a tank using his legs (do ducks have legs or they use some other word for that?). But Mickey said: "You bastard! You killed them!" That was too much for Donald. He was so terrified with that line that he died instantly. The autopsy showed that he had a lung cancer, leukemia, variola vera and that his nose was running.
Chapter 2: Who dares loses